Read in silence but never in despair
And wish me good luck
Showing posts with label Loneliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loneliness. Show all posts

Friday, December 9, 2011

Hitam Putih






Sebelum terbang, izinkan saya berbahasa melayu.


Ramai atau tidak, bilangan bukan urusan. Tapi iulah mereka. Kawan yang aku akan kata
SELAMAT TINGGAL. 

Sudah tiba masanya untuk kita berangkat,rakan.

Sudah saatnya kita mencari apa yang selama ini kita pinta dalam hati.
Bukan dunia jadi taruhan,tapi biarlah akhirat yang menjadi tujuan.


Selama ini kita berjemaah,tapi hari esok kita Imamah. 
Imamah buat umat, Imamah buat hati-hati mereka yang masih bingung.


Maaf dan terima kasih semua kutuju buat saudara saudariku.

Siapa tahu hari esok ada
tanganmu yang menyambutku dari tergelincir.
Tergelincir untuk ke neraka.

Ya, itulah doa. Doa kalian buatku. Dan doaku buat kalian. Senjata kita, senjata paling rahsia.


Sudah tiba waktunya teman
Untuk kita keluar menyebarkan Salam

Bukan untuk menjadi makhluk yang kononnya sempurna, seolah untuk mempamer apa yang dilebihkan oleh Tuhan buat kita.

Tapi bersamalah mereka. Pautlah hati dan tangan mereka.
Bagaimana kau pernah membawa aku mengenal Tuhan,
mereka juga ingin merasa nikmat yang sama.




Ya, WAKTU itu anugerah Tuhan.
Tapi apa yang menghiasi waktu itu adalah kamu.
Di sini aku belajar percaya.







Pada Tuhan

Pada janji

Pada balasan

Pada keburukan

bukan 
pada KESEMPURNAAN








Kulihat cermin. Mata itu tidak lagi kesunyian seperti lima tahun yang lalu. 
Kina warnanya silih bertukar warna. 
Sedih menangis memberontak marah kemaafan anugerah tawa dan cinta. 
Kalianlah yang mengisi mata itu.






Kau ajarkan aku untuk menerima. 
Dan apa yang lebih bermakna, kau tunjukkan aku bagaimana untuk memberi.



Setiap detik,kisah kita tercatat. 
Bukan pada kertas kajang atau buku nota sains.


Tapi dalam hati. 



Buatku,jalannya belum pasti. Entah berduri, hujan mahupun matahari terik.

Mungkin waktu seperti itulah aku akan menangis.

Mengenang coretan lampau.










Kalau semalam aku bermimpi

Hari ini realiti menjelma.

Bukan tentang indahnya memori,tapi susahnya untuk mecipta memori yang sama seperti semalam.










Selamat tidur cerita semalam. 
Kerana aku ingin melukis di atas ruang yang masih kosong itu.



Saturday, April 9, 2011

For the very least

Thanks to Fitrah Jaidon, for encouraged me to rebel in English again.I appreciated that when I'm the one who didn't trust my writings anymore. Thank you to all my friends. Who always tell me to go on,to continue my alphabets doodles.









Looking up to reach the sky, I ponder
Why? Why does it always end up like this?
When I thought I can change the world with my magic courage.
I thought I can do anything mere impossibles as long as i believe.
I thought I can spread my wings of my true colours and show the entire Earth I'm that great.
I thought I can resist all those fighters just by showing my fist.
I believe how this life is perfectly revolves around my circle of assumptions.






Hell no.




That's just too good to be true. When you're at home,you feel safe and secured.But once you step outside, only God knows where you should continue your footsteps onto.


Your tongue's frozen when you want to speak up your mind.Your head dizzily refuse to defense when somebody seems to turn you down. Your heart beat dangerously fast even though you practice those lines thousands of time.Your pride lower it's precious credibility when you have to face with sea of anonymous people. You try to hide yourself when limelight isn't the place to express yourself. Even when you have to speak to someone who'd been peeping in your dreams, your supposed-to-be natural act suddenly appears awkward.


Eventually you hate yourself for unable to do anything miraculous.









That's how it is.




I feel coward and frighten.Just look the way how life treats me. I have to figure something fast which currently suppose to be my identity just to fit in with reality. Slowly,i have to recreate my plans for my pathway. No matter how much tears i had shed,but i still, i have to move on.




Sometimes,there were bright days,but there are more days awaiting ahead of me.For better or worse, all I can do is to be brave. Brave to face hims and hers. Brave to face you and you.


And whenever my body trembles again,please give me space to cry.


No doubt why i keep lying to my feelings.When it hurts i smile.When it troubled my wrenching mind, i stay calm.When it makes me nervous so terribly,i try not to jump.


At times you find it hard to pretend.But when it became your second natural which flows down your vein, you became that person,who stupidly smile over problems and say to yourself,move.


Guess it's hard enough to cheer yourself up behind the wall,but once the veil reveals you on the stage,you have to continue acting.Act gracefully,for people's happiness.For their sake,just don't show them how hard your heart finding the solutions, how hard you've been getting ready to make them happy,until I realize i don't deserve anything precious.








Apparently,I start blaming myself.


For my clumsiness,for me being nobody.
And all i want,is to go home. Not a place where you call it house,nor your bedroom.
But somewhere homey where I can chant happily when nobody eyeing which judge by telling me how peculiar my easiness are. Home,where people accept me just the way i speak and behave. Just the way my heart tells and my mind thinks.
The place where someone you like,at least look you into your eyes. Not just walk away as he passed by you and look at her.










There was never a fairytale kind of dream. For the very least,each of us dream for our best. Glad that i can still breathe and say to you how I love you,even the journey is way too long and troublesome.





Monday, December 6, 2010

How life works

    Running following the flow
    Many turn their heads back to recall
    What they name as 'memories'
    Like the river unstoppably mute
    I can't help but forced
    Unmistakably done anything to reach the pelf of the world
    Imitating how others do
  

    Somehow seemed satisfying
    But for those who tend to ponder
    They're just not more than the hellish unfulfilled promises
    Their strings of words
    Could be twisted and turned to fit
    With the trashes they'd dreamed up
  

    That's how life works
    Don't say never
    When every time you chase them
    You'd feel terribly tired
    Sure do they're spellbound
    Undeniably amazing and catchy
    But please do keep in mind
    Fortune and luck are certainly one of the swindles
    Made you forget all of them would end soon
    And before you can remember
    You'd be there for the everlasting land
    Return alone empty-handed
    It's rather the most regretting moment
  

    Because you keep chasing for world to recognize you
    Drown in the sea of false
    Which you tough never-endingly content
    Fame for the livings upon the Earth
    Wake up my dear
    Please wake up
    Because these how world works

Monday, November 29, 2010

She seems like a shadow

Tonight is dark
Just like yesterday
Even she had trough the day
She can't see the sun whole-heartedly
 


 Wondering what's behind the veil
Because she'd trapped for so long
In the room of unseen forecast
She's dying to lose



But deep in the core
She's been waiting
Nor for the prince or knight
But the endless hopes and shines



Who knows that the waiting is far behind of reach
She's not simply aging
When no one ever saw how she smiled
Because none tried to open the door



She had been introduced to stars and sun
But nobody hold her hands
 To let her feel them for herself
But she believes every single day that moment would arrive



Often people knocked the door
Once she opened it,they left
And for what reason
She always blame herself



They come and go
But never willing to enter the room
Because the place is so plain
Somehow they can't see the happiness once they left footsteps in it



If they ever see the smile
She is the perfect gift
For whom that brave enough gambling to reach her heart
Because there's only one reason



She's the shadow under the moonlight
When they held their head up high
Just to make the moon recognize them
Without realizing she'd just been there,
Under the tremendous charm