Kill time. It's March 2012

Geez now I know what is lacking.

MY ENGLISH. I need to eat more books and dramas. Wish me luck guys, for my "meals".

Because it is a petty March, I came across this one drama. *You know what, learning life in front of screen while munching popcorn isn't actually a bad habit.

It's about a woman, who suddenly got diagnosed with bile cancer.

After struggling with so much creepy pains and ridiculous exhaustible chores for 10 years, suddenly death awaited in front saying hello.

What makes it different, is that the story really got me absorbed with the whole situation.Because she dreams what a normal girl dreams on.Supposedly.

I want to fall in love, to get married and having kids. At least, I want to live. Until then, please let me live.

Before she died, she made a "20 things to do before I died" list. Only this time, no 'married' word mentioned, not even 'kids'. Because she knew she can never make it in time.

Simple things, that God can grants, she thought.

No.1  - Make her mom, smile at least once a day.

No.20-Die in the arm of the person she love.

It's a beautiful story about a woman welcoming her death by making her last days unregrettable.It isn't a story that teaches you to give up on faith straightly after knowing you're counting the minutes to die, but how she accepted the fate, and decided firmly to be grateful on life. Even for a very short while.

She wore on clothes she never dreamt on to even buy, devoured on meals that cost thousands in exclusive restaurants,  treated her mom to spa, and even sent her for a vacation.

She made people who bullied her back then in 10 years of her tormenting life to apologize with sorry on her feet. She wanted to taste anything's possible in every slit turns of life of everyday's whimsical doings that she used to hold back.

She turned out to be a brand new woman. Not afraid, not holding back, not gritting her teeth anymore. She wanted to show the world, that a low level employee too, needs to be treated fairly. She wasn't remniscing about yesterday, "what have she done after all these years" kind of thinking, but presenting on tomorrow making them the greatest gift.

She might looked silly and eccentric, but how much silly was she, if she chose happiness over worry?

She always mumbled "I'm afraid" to the doctor who happened to be her classmate in primary school.

Too scared tomorrows wouldn't be hers anymore,she treated her 'todays' appreciatively like there'll never be next to arrive anymore. Like a priceless jewel that needed to be polished heartily.



And it'll be impossible for me, as a watcher, not to ask myself.
What would I do, if I'm in her shoes?

Will I face the music gracefully just the same as her?

The whole circumstances may sounded simple and cliche in dramas, but how simple is that, if Mr. Malaikatmaut come to greet you in real life?


 The pumping heart,wouldn't forever beating.


Al Fatihah, to our Mujahideen in Gaza and Syria and Afghanistan.


Continuing having "meals",
Tuna.

Hitam Putih

Sebelum terbang, izinkan saya berbahasa melayu.


Ramai atau tidak, bilangan bukan urusan. Tapi iulah mereka. Kawan yang aku akan kata

SELAMAT TINGGAL. 

Sudah tiba masanya untuk kita berangkat,rakan.

Sudah saatnya kita mencari apa yang selama ini kita pinta dalam hati.

Bukan dunia jadi taruhan,tapi biarlah akhirat yang menjadi tujuan.

Selama ini kita berjemaah,tapi hari esok kita Imamah. 

Imamah buat umat, Imamah buat hati-hati mereka yang masih bingung.

Maaf dan terima kasih semua kutuju buat saudara saudariku.

Siapa tahu hari esok ada

tanganmu yang menyambutku dari tergelincir.

Tergelincir untuk ke neraka.

Ya, itulah doa. Doa kalian buatku. Dan doaku buat kalian. Senjata kita, senjata paling rahsia.

Sudah tiba waktunya teman

Untuk kita keluar menyebarkan Salam

Bukan untuk menjadi makhluk yang kononnya sempurna, seolah untuk mempamer apa yang dilebihkan oleh Tuhan buat kita.

Tapi bersamalah mereka. Pautlah hati dan tangan mereka.

Bagaimana kau pernah membawa aku mengenal Tuhan,

mereka juga ingin merasa nikmat yang sama.

Ya, WAKTU itu anugerah Tuhan.

Tapi apa yang menghiasi waktu itu adalah kamu.

Di sini aku belajar percaya.

Pada Tuhan

Pada janji

Pada balasan

Pada keburukan

bukan 

pada KESEMPURNAAN

Kulihat cermin. Mata itu tidak lagi kesunyian seperti lima tahun yang lalu. 

Kina warnanya silih bertukar warna. 

Sedih menangis memberontak marah kemaafan anugerah tawa dan cinta. 

Kalianlah yang mengisi mata itu.

Kau ajarkan aku untuk menerima. 

Dan apa yang lebih bermakna, kau tunjukkan aku bagaimana untuk memberi.

Setiap detik,kisah kita tercatat. 

Bukan pada kertas kajang atau buku nota sains.

Tapi dalam hati. 

Buatku,jalannya belum pasti. Entah berduri, hujan mahupun matahari terik.

Mungkin waktu seperti itulah aku akan menangis.

Mengenang coretan lampau.

Kalau semalam aku bermimpi

Hari ini realiti menjelma.

Bukan tentang indahnya memori,tapi susahnya untuk mecipta memori yang sama seperti semalam.

Selamat tidur cerita semalam. 

Kerana aku ingin melukis di atas ruang yang masih kosong itu.

Birthday girl's sayings

THANK YOU for the best wishes. I don't have high hopes for a lavish celebration. Your prayers for my best are more than enough. Determined to live gracefully for what i've been fated to deserve, thank you Allah for letting me live till now. Birthday isn't there to be celebrated, it was there to remind how you should ask yourself how well do you have been settle in his very own world,eh?

I'm not here to act wise.

Maybe I can't create any kind of magic that somehow can dissect a rainbow

Because every part of me lingers the word 'plain'

Thanks again for all of you that wish me for my better day. Thank you for remembering my existence in this vast world. For noticing my invisibility. Even though I'm that transparent slowly all of you held out your hands and teach me to colour my self a little bit. May God bless people like you. For bring the slightest hints that i'm not a burdensome to you.

When i want to create my own room,you slowly unlocked my heart by remembering that humble day. Thank you. And thank you God, for teaching me to be kindly grateful in whatever happens. 

And for those who didn't even remember my birth date. I love you too. Because friends like you teach me how my life is simply not that perfect. For me how i'm being undone through our friendship.

You make me learn,how myself is not being good enough in treating you as friends. I'm sorry for my shortcomings. I'm sorry my habits and gestures make you enlist me as unimportant person. I'm sorry I make you forget. I'm the one who's wrong. I'm the one who deserve anything you served me for. 

Yet,I just want to tell you thank you for being there for my last birthday as a highschooler. 

1. Insyallah Allah and prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h
2. Mom dad family siblings. They're my very first sensei
3. Friends-you girls are awesome enough ( I'm yearning to be thankful)

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF :)

Thank you Ummi for willingly endure the pain of introducing me to this land in that one fine day. The land of weird things happen.

Birthday isn't about cakes and celebrations. Nor wishes or presents. It's about the day where you should sit back and ask yourself, how did you spend all those years behind through ups and downs of the journey. On how much you appreciate life close to heart.

 

Alphabets that I spell L.O.V.E

Okay.Okay. Let's get this straight,,okay?

Yes.No.

I'm embarrassed..because who knew that it might...

Oh shut my mind up,anyone please?

A lil' confession isn't a crime,rite?

I'm guilty,I'd lie if i said i don't care.

You always there when i thought i'm the one left alone in this suffocating world.

You can read my mind without our eyes meet after all,wow that's impressive :D

You always pampers me althought i might done something wrong.

You always make me believe there's always a brand new start whenever i'm felling like okay-the-counter's-closed-so-why-don't-we-go-back-home kinda stuff.

You always turns my mood into easy breezy laughter whenever i'm bored.

Without you ever realize you perks me up.

You gave me pithy ideas when all the matters seemed to create big pressure against my will.

You always seemed to notice every time my heart said something plaintive.

You treat me by your heart.

Not look nor popularity is all that matters.

You somehow spread the plague of happiness inside my soul.

You can tell how sometimes my face turns out red in blushed even i'm phlegmatic,i'm sure i am

You calms me down when i'm petrified.

You respect and love me for who i am.

Sorry for my shortcomings.

Sorry for my imperfection.

Sorry for my rudeness.

Sorry for my loser's words.

Thank you,thank you and thank you Allah.

For sending them to me,which i can call them FRIENDS

We being crazy together,we laugh together,we quarrel together,and we being stupid together.

You are all cute and sweet.

Say,Alhamdullilah.

May Allah bessed you and us.

ILY . ALL of you