Hijrah

Aku lihat manusia di sana sini
Sudahlah diri
Mengakulah kau ingin kembali
Pada jalan yang orang putihnya kata meant-to-be

Aku lihat manusia yang sibuk membelek diri itu
Tidak sempat kiranya dia memberi komplen atau komen negatif

Aku lihat manusia yang bahagia itu
Tidak terguris jiwanya dek permainan kanak-kanak duniawi

Aku lihat manusia yang hatinya menghitung-hitung cintanya dengan Tuhan itu
Tidak sempat dibuai siapa pasangan pilihan

Aku lihat manusia yang mengejar rahmat itu
Tidak berhenti kakinya memandu mengumpul erti

Aku lihat manusia yang telus impiannya untuk hari esok itu
Tidak gusar dia meninggalkan angan dan mimpi

Aku lihat manusia yang santun jiwanya itu
Tidak lelah memaafkan siulan dan ejekan

Aku kira mereka ini bukan malaikat
Aku kira mereka ini manusia seperti aku

Aku lihat manusia yang bijak itu
Sibuk sungguh harinya menyiapkan akhirat

Aku lihat cermin
Bilakah "mereka" itu aku

Aku juga rindu pada ketenangan hakiki
Bukan kerana ibadahku yang kononnya sehebat sufi
Tapi rahmat Dialah yang tak pernah henti dicurahi

Aku rindu
Aku rindu untuk "menjadi"
Kerana selama ini aku hanya "melihat"

Bawa aku bersama?

Illness and inconvenience

Like the trees shedding their leaves

It's not a sigh one should heave

Don't we realize dear, wake up don't be deceived

He's washing away our sins yet His forgiveness we received

Lovely it is, how through sickness and inconvenience we shall find relief

Ever enough.

Perfect. This is perfect. Everything that Allah is giving me is fitting. 

He showed me puzzle so that I can solve the pieces. 

He showed me labyrinth to strengthen  my faith in pacing my steps. 

He showed me hidden scars for me to put antiseptic before they turn into plague.

He gave me hints for me to plan.

He make me sad to show me He's always there,

He prepared me doubtful journey for me to make Him my only hope.

He let me in the dark to tell me the price of a single light.

He suffocate my breath telling me He's always be my oxygen.

He push me away from my track to make me dodge an unseen bullet.

I'll always and always be, going to have endless efforts, to feel Your love, in everything You'd decided for me for my life. And the dramas between it. 

You taught me something.

This one of a kind, I treat it as a sincere post. As usual.

The first time I saw you, I sensed it in your voice.

How was it sounds like? 

Your voice, 

filled with a sentiment pedigree of desire to reach. 

The destination that you could see before your eyes. 

It seemed like the courage is always there, 

in your vein, 

so familiar, 

like a long-lost longing.

How could you be so sure? I'm asking myself, reflecting your attitude as a simple answer.

And now, I can see it in your glittering eyes.

You never had doubts, in reaching your dreams.

You never loose confidence, as conceived.

You never hesitate, to say Amen, whenever they wish you good luck.

And why can't I do the same?

Because you always prepared, knowing where your feet will stand.

Because you never care, if people said that you're only playing a childish dare

Because you can see, not only with your perception and judgement, but with all your heart.

And why can't I do the same?

You're running fast, approaching your mark.

You're trusting hard, like nothing can ever stop you.

You're sweating gold, because you believe it'll end up good.

And why can't I do the same? 

Like a traveler of an unknown land, I bet you'd still carry on even if you lost your map.

Because your navigation and instincts are just too pure.

Like a clover leaf hidden by a field of grass, your determination is one which very hard to find in others

Like a throne for the winner, you make your mission seemed irreplaceable.

And why can't I do the same?

To dream a dream like a real dreamer. Because real dreamers are so like you, they fight for it.

And for me, I want to do the same.

No more doubts and what ifs when we start believing.

p/s: To you who inspires

For you, kerana Allah :)

Ketika hati ini diuji, bukan kita tidak tahu dunia memang sebegitu?

Berat, hanya Allah yang mampu membebaskan.

Sedih, hanya Allah yang mampu melepaskan resah.

Susah, hanya Allah yang tahu ukur peritnya.

Yes, it's killing inside. Which supposed to be fatal. And suicidal.

Bantu aku sahabat, hanya itu yang mampu terluah di bibir.
Sedang hati sangat tahu, "tiada siapa yang dapat bantu aku, melainkan engkau Tuhan."

Menangislah, dan teruskanlah menangis wahai hati.

Allah sedang mentarbiyyah hatimu yang Dia pilih.

And yes. You are the chosen one. We're. You and me. And her.And her too. And them. Us.

How I wish I could hold your hand, take a leap and bring you to the end of this sorrow.
How I pray we could be strong and leave the unwanted dreams behind.
How I can embrace your soul, and tell you everything will be okay.

How much I want to tell you  and show you how I love you my friend, His love is more immense. And meaningful.

Me too, breaking inside, wondering the tomorrows.

Me too, crashing slowly, within His will, upon the problem He prepared for me.

We end up facing lost and grieves.

But darling. No. There's nothing we end up losing. All of those belong to Him.

Semua Dia punya. Love, feelings, future, life and Iman.

Only this time, I'll make sure we stand up again, stronger than ever, to gain His love. That's the first and ongoing mission.

Hati tahu semua itu susah, nak masuk syurga, tak percuma sayang.

Bayarlah dengan dunia, sesungguhnya itu satu perniagaan yang paling beruntung di sisi Allah.

Hari ini Dia hilangkan satu MIMPI indah dalam diari hidup kita.

Rupanya Allah merencanakan REALITI yang lebih manis dari cerita semalam.

Yakinlah. Yakinlah dan tetap juga yakin. Sehingga akhir nafasmu, yakinlah Allah cinta kepadamu.

A Journey to Hell

Assalamualaikum. I'm still writing, even there's no one reading. Because me too, wanting to have my cowardly voice to be written soundly in this medium called blog.

You've been there? I mean Hell. The English term for An-Naar isn't enough to describe what's the immense and indescribable fire's all about.

Al-Naar, I've been introduced to the land where screaming and blood and all those scenes on Final Destination 123456 etc etc have to offer was less than a dust compared to the vast misery Allah prepared for the unbelievers.

It was the night I told myself, 'are you in the right place to take sins so lightly, Madihah?' Ustaz a.k.a the host of the night as well, keep repeating the word we we and we. I couldn't help, but imagine the bad ending of my ever after, if I keep playing like a child, gambling to do everything so lightly, and say, Takpa, esok masih ada what kalau nak taubat?


It was the night of desolation and suffering. It was like a trip. A school trip. To An-Naar. But Rasul S.A.W once said, whatever you heard about it, you picture about it, you imagine about it, IT WASN'T IT. Because Allah has prepared the most unthinkable reprisal for the Sinners. What a speechless approach.

The candle was small, shorter than my index finger.By the time it was lighted, the fire almost eat up  my finger.

Ustaz kept asking,

"If you could stand this candle until it is entirely melt, keep on holding. But if you couldn't you can put out the light. If you are afraid of this tiny splint, then how come are you going to meet HIM with HIS soldiers PREPARING TO BURN YOU DOWN THERE IN NAAR?

And I cried.