Looking up to reach the sky, I ponder
Why? Why does it always end up like this?
When I thought I can change the world with my magic courage.
I thought I can do anything mere impossibles as long as i believe.
I thought I can spread my wings of my true colours and show the entire Earth I'm that great.
I thought I can resist all those fighters just by showing my fist.
I believe how this life is perfectly revolves around my circle of assumptions.
Hell no.
That's just too good to be true. When you're at home,you feel safe and secured.But once you step outside, only God knows where you should continue your footsteps onto.
Your tongue's frozen when you want to speak up your mind.Your head dizzily refuse to defense when somebody seems to turn you down. Your heart beat dangerously fast even though you practice those lines thousands of time.Your pride lower it's precious credibility when you have to face with sea of anonymous people. You try to hide yourself when limelight isn't the place to express yourself. Even when you have to speak to someone who'd been peeping in your dreams, your supposed-to-be natural act suddenly appears awkward.
Eventually you hate yourself for unable to do anything miraculous.
That's how it is.
I feel coward and frighten.Just look the way how life treats me. I have to figure something fast which currently suppose to be my identity just to fit in with reality. Slowly,i have to recreate my plans for my pathway. No matter how much tears i had shed,but i still, i have to move on.
Sometimes,there were bright days,but there are more days awaiting ahead of me.For better or worse, all I can do is to be brave. Brave to face hims and hers. Brave to face you and you.
And whenever my body trembles again,please give me space to cry.
No doubt why i keep lying to my feelings.When it hurts i smile.When it troubled my wrenching mind, i stay calm.When it makes me nervous so terribly,i try not to jump.
At times you find it hard to pretend.But when it became your second natural which flows down your vein, you became that person,who stupidly smile over problems and say to yourself,move.
Guess it's hard enough to cheer yourself up behind the wall,but once the veil reveals you on the stage,you have to continue acting.Act gracefully,for people's happiness.For their sake,just don't show them how hard your heart finding the solutions, how hard you've been getting ready to make them happy,until I realize i don't deserve anything precious.
Apparently,I start blaming myself.
For my clumsiness,for me being nobody.
And all i want,is to go home. Not a place where you call it house,nor your bedroom.
But somewhere homey where I can chant happily when nobody eyeing which judge by telling me how peculiar my easiness are. Home,where people accept me just the way i speak and behave. Just the way my heart tells and my mind thinks.
The place where someone you like,at least look you into your eyes. Not just walk away as he passed by you and look at her.
There was never a fairytale kind of dream. For the very least,each of us dream for our best. Glad that i can still breathe and say to you how I love you,even the journey is way too long and troublesome.
