Read in silence but never in despair
And wish me good luck

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


How to define it exactly? This very disturbing feeling sometimes you wish it wasn't there when you have so much things going on and sometimes you're thankful it was there when you feel filled with it.

It all started this way. Whenever, either you notice it or not, you actually begin with allowing that person to become part of you. It's not about how much it took up the space inside of you, even there's the slightest intimacy, believe me, you actually had done it. Simple.

And why is this longing feelings engulfing?
Because "that" part of you is wandering around, far, and sometimes they gone, making you lose track.
You miss that person, because there is a sense of belonging knowing they are parts of you. Of course, bits and pieces inner side of you is scattering around, it's very uncomfortable. Sometimes you gotta be far with your loved ones, sometimes you have to let go of past memories which make you trapped.

To miss something that is real, is a good sign. Because when you live apart from your soul being far away, you tend to grow. You learn not to give up easily, dreams beyond ordinary, and diligently working on something that you believe on- Love.

However if you miss something so unravelling, like memories, imaginations, or a stagnant figure, you'll got stucked. It's awful to miss something that you know will never come back, like a ceaseless ghost.

Whether it is real or manipulative, both can be painful. Only what makes the different is when you miss reality, at the end of the day, those pain can still be rewarding, because that's all you fight for. Nevertheless, an imaginary journey could cause mindless hurtings only to find out at the end of the day, you're actually caging yourself up in a prison. A prison you choose to build yourself.

If you choose anyone or anything to give your heart to, choose wisely. Because that's the rule of life, that when you give, you'll miss it. Because it's yours in the first place.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


"..Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide..."

The song portrays pains and flaws

It's too embarrassing how Allah knows the ugly draws

If only I could make all of those mistakes deleted by a single pause

And somehow it's not about someone else from mars

It's about me, running around covering scars

Too near inside,no dear it's not that far as stars

Veiled and concealed

Struggle to get them protected

If sins can be counted

I don't deserve to be this blessed

Everything masked mostly messed

And I'm scared

I don't care if it's now or in the past

My mistakes are enormously vast

Limits and boundaries I've trespassed

When this thankless sinner was about to rust

Drowned inside the bloody broken trust

I cried again, hoping your Forgiveness still last

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Perhaps, I just miss you

I think it's time for me to rekindle this blog.

I miss to spill anything what is meaningful to me.

As for myself today might remind the 'me' of tomorrows

Like how I used to be reminded by my beauty souls of yesterday

There's so much to share

There's so much things happened

There's so much to rant on

I miss you, dear blog.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Aku lihat manusia di sana sini
Sudahlah diri
Mengakulah kau ingin kembali
Pada jalan yang orang putihnya kata meant-to-be

Aku lihat manusia yang sibuk membelek diri itu
Tidak sempat kiranya dia memberi komplen atau komen negatif

Aku lihat manusia yang bahagia itu
Tidak terguris jiwanya dek permainan kanak-kanak duniawi

Aku lihat manusia yang hatinya menghitung-hitung cintanya dengan Tuhan itu
Tidak sempat dibuai siapa pasangan pilihan

Aku lihat manusia yang mengejar rahmat itu
Tidak berhenti kakinya memandu mengumpul erti

Aku lihat manusia yang telus impiannya untuk hari esok itu
Tidak gusar dia meninggalkan angan dan mimpi

Aku lihat manusia yang santun jiwanya itu
Tidak lelah memaafkan siulan dan ejekan

Aku kira mereka ini bukan malaikat
Aku kira mereka ini manusia seperti aku

Aku lihat manusia yang bijak itu
Sibuk sungguh harinya menyiapkan akhirat

Aku lihat cermin
Bilakah "mereka" itu aku

Aku juga rindu pada ketenangan hakiki
Bukan kerana ibadahku yang kononnya sehebat sufi
Tapi rahmat Dialah yang tak pernah henti dicurahi

Aku rindu
Aku rindu untuk "menjadi"
Kerana selama ini aku hanya "melihat"

Bawa aku bersama?

Monday, June 10, 2013

Illness and inconvenience

Like the trees shedding their leaves

It's not a sigh one should heave

Don't we realize dear, wake up don't be deceived

He's washing away our sins yet His forgiveness we received

Lovely it is, how through sickness and inconvenience we shall find relief

Friday, April 12, 2013

Ever enough.

Perfect. This is perfect. Everything that Allah is giving me is fitting. 

He showed me puzzle so that I can solve the pieces. 
He showed me labyrinth to strengthen  my faith in pacing my steps. 
He showed me hidden scars for me to put antiseptic before they turn into plague.
He gave me hints for me to plan.
He make me sad to show me He's always there,
He prepared me doubtful journey for me to make Him my only hope.
He let me in the dark to tell me the price of a single light.
He suffocate my breath telling me He's always be my oxygen.
He push me away from my track to make me dodge an unseen bullet.

I'll always and always be, going to have endless efforts, to feel Your love, in everything You'd decided for me for my life. And the dramas between it.