For you, kerana Allah :)

Ketika hati ini diuji, bukan kita tidak tahu dunia memang sebegitu?

Berat, hanya Allah yang mampu membebaskan.

Sedih, hanya Allah yang mampu melepaskan resah.

Susah, hanya Allah yang tahu ukur peritnya.

Yes, it's killing inside. Which supposed to be fatal. And suicidal.

Bantu aku sahabat, hanya itu yang mampu terluah di bibir.
Sedang hati sangat tahu, "tiada siapa yang dapat bantu aku, melainkan engkau Tuhan."

Menangislah, dan teruskanlah menangis wahai hati.

Allah sedang mentarbiyyah hatimu yang Dia pilih.

And yes. You are the chosen one. We're. You and me. And her.And her too. And them. Us.

How I wish I could hold your hand, take a leap and bring you to the end of this sorrow.
How I pray we could be strong and leave the unwanted dreams behind.
How I can embrace your soul, and tell you everything will be okay.

How much I want to tell you  and show you how I love you my friend, His love is more immense. And meaningful.

Me too, breaking inside, wondering the tomorrows.

Me too, crashing slowly, within His will, upon the problem He prepared for me.

We end up facing lost and grieves.

But darling. No. There's nothing we end up losing. All of those belong to Him.

Semua Dia punya. Love, feelings, future, life and Iman.

Only this time, I'll make sure we stand up again, stronger than ever, to gain His love. That's the first and ongoing mission.

Hati tahu semua itu susah, nak masuk syurga, tak percuma sayang.

Bayarlah dengan dunia, sesungguhnya itu satu perniagaan yang paling beruntung di sisi Allah.

Hari ini Dia hilangkan satu MIMPI indah dalam diari hidup kita.

Rupanya Allah merencanakan REALITI yang lebih manis dari cerita semalam.

Yakinlah. Yakinlah dan tetap juga yakin. Sehingga akhir nafasmu, yakinlah Allah cinta kepadamu.

A Journey to Hell

Assalamualaikum. I'm still writing, even there's no one reading. Because me too, wanting to have my cowardly voice to be written soundly in this medium called blog.

You've been there? I mean Hell. The English term for An-Naar isn't enough to describe what's the immense and indescribable fire's all about.

Al-Naar, I've been introduced to the land where screaming and blood and all those scenes on Final Destination 123456 etc etc have to offer was less than a dust compared to the vast misery Allah prepared for the unbelievers.

It was the night I told myself, 'are you in the right place to take sins so lightly, Madihah?' Ustaz a.k.a the host of the night as well, keep repeating the word we we and we. I couldn't help, but imagine the bad ending of my ever after, if I keep playing like a child, gambling to do everything so lightly, and say, Takpa, esok masih ada what kalau nak taubat?


It was the night of desolation and suffering. It was like a trip. A school trip. To An-Naar. But Rasul S.A.W once said, whatever you heard about it, you picture about it, you imagine about it, IT WASN'T IT. Because Allah has prepared the most unthinkable reprisal for the Sinners. What a speechless approach.

The candle was small, shorter than my index finger.By the time it was lighted, the fire almost eat up  my finger.

Ustaz kept asking,

"If you could stand this candle until it is entirely melt, keep on holding. But if you couldn't you can put out the light. If you are afraid of this tiny splint, then how come are you going to meet HIM with HIS soldiers PREPARING TO BURN YOU DOWN THERE IN NAAR?

And I cried.

Itu ini

 

Maka berkatalah manusia seluruh alam. Teruskan berkata dan berkata.

Perisa luka atau derita kau tidak rasa.

Kau hanya terus berkata

Teruskan, teruskan urusan bibirmu itu,

 teruskan berkata untuk tujuan dirimu.

Biarkan biarkan aku sakit, biarkan aku dihimpit.

 Aku tidak marah, tetapi sudahlah.

Jangan berhenti, teruskan bibirmu meniti.

Biar dia mengesat hati ini

Entah mengapa nada mereka seakan memuji manis

Tapi aku mendengar detakan sinis

Berkatalah, berkatalah manusia seluruh alam

Memang engkau begitu, tiada hak aku mnyatakan apa di hati

Biarkan biarkan aku sendiri

 Menggigit duri

Tidak, aku tidak membenci

Sebagai tanda aku masih mempercayai

 Bahawa satu hari nanti kau akan berhenti.

Teruskan.

Teruskan berkata.

Tetapi kau lupa, hamba ini juga mempunyai hati untuk diratapi.

Biarpun sendiri.

Kill time. It's March 2012

Geez now I know what is lacking.

MY ENGLISH. I need to eat more books and dramas. Wish me luck guys, for my "meals".

Because it is a petty March, I came across this one drama. *You know what, learning life in front of screen while munching popcorn isn't actually a bad habit.

It's about a woman, who suddenly got diagnosed with bile cancer.

After struggling with so much creepy pains and ridiculous exhaustible chores for 10 years, suddenly death awaited in front saying hello.

What makes it different, is that the story really got me absorbed with the whole situation.Because she dreams what a normal girl dreams on.Supposedly.

I want to fall in love, to get married and having kids. At least, I want to live. Until then, please let me live.

Before she died, she made a "20 things to do before I died" list. Only this time, no 'married' word mentioned, not even 'kids'. Because she knew she can never make it in time.

Simple things, that God can grants, she thought.

No.1  - Make her mom, smile at least once a day.

No.20-Die in the arm of the person she love.

It's a beautiful story about a woman welcoming her death by making her last days unregrettable.It isn't a story that teaches you to give up on faith straightly after knowing you're counting the minutes to die, but how she accepted the fate, and decided firmly to be grateful on life. Even for a very short while.

She wore on clothes she never dreamt on to even buy, devoured on meals that cost thousands in exclusive restaurants,  treated her mom to spa, and even sent her for a vacation.

She made people who bullied her back then in 10 years of her tormenting life to apologize with sorry on her feet. She wanted to taste anything's possible in every slit turns of life of everyday's whimsical doings that she used to hold back.

She turned out to be a brand new woman. Not afraid, not holding back, not gritting her teeth anymore. She wanted to show the world, that a low level employee too, needs to be treated fairly. She wasn't remniscing about yesterday, "what have she done after all these years" kind of thinking, but presenting on tomorrow making them the greatest gift.

She might looked silly and eccentric, but how much silly was she, if she chose happiness over worry?

She always mumbled "I'm afraid" to the doctor who happened to be her classmate in primary school.

Too scared tomorrows wouldn't be hers anymore,she treated her 'todays' appreciatively like there'll never be next to arrive anymore. Like a priceless jewel that needed to be polished heartily.



And it'll be impossible for me, as a watcher, not to ask myself.
What would I do, if I'm in her shoes?

Will I face the music gracefully just the same as her?

The whole circumstances may sounded simple and cliche in dramas, but how simple is that, if Mr. Malaikatmaut come to greet you in real life?


 The pumping heart,wouldn't forever beating.


Al Fatihah, to our Mujahideen in Gaza and Syria and Afghanistan.


Continuing having "meals",
Tuna.